A Poem of Uncertainty

Sometimes I want to cry, scream, kick my feet and yell F*** you all

Sometimes I want to be mean, scream, kick my feet and yell “Maybe I’m not who I seem!”

Sometimes I want to run from fear, embarrassment, hatred, and you

For I am confused and know not what to do.

Sometimes I want to be tickled, scream, kick my feet and yell, “I give in”

Sometimes I am happy…

Enough to want to be touched and share my soul with all

And then sometimes I am so lost.

Lost enough that to find myself encourages a giggle to arise, from deep within.

Giggle to roar, making me crazy, enclosing me and causing my world to constantly spin.

So please, lift your hand and slap me, for this is not who I am to be

It is only a temporary form of me.


My Happiness

  sedona az  magical vortex in sedona

Beautiful Sedona, AZ….my happiness.

Fortunately, Arizona is my home residence and Sedona is less than a two hour drive away. Sedona is magical. It is the home to many vortexes, and is knowns as a spiritual power center. Aside from the fact that it is a major energy center, Sedona is beautiful. It is surrounded by red rock formations that are large and powerful. No matter how many times I’ve traveled here, and it has been a lot, it’s beauty and majesticness always captivate me.

We took a four day getaway in Sedona. We worked, we hiked, we sat, we loved.  It was incredible. In total we spent $550 (including some cry
stals we bought). The trip could have easily cost $10,000, depending where we can from I the world and where we stayed at in Sedona.  Would we have paid $10,000 if we lived far away?  Probably not, at least not at this point in our lives.  However, we took advantage of nearby beauty.

Continue reading My Happiness

A simple Quote..

In the past there were people who were not rich but contented with their living style, laughing and happy all day. But when the new rich people appear, people look at them and ask, ‘why don’t I have a life like that too, a beautiful house, car and garden,’ and they abandon their values.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Today I’m not sure what will make me happy

Errrrrr. My opening statement. It’s nothing and everything today. I’m not sure how I feel about anything. Have you ever thought, ok well if I could make something different or had the means to do anything or go anywhere, what would I do, where would I go and what would I want?  And then you realize that there is not a damn thing that sounds appealing, fun, or would benefit you.  I mean not even a trip to an exotic land with the capability to sit and do nothing but absorb your surroundings.  Or a trip to Paris to drink wine and visit extravagant museums.  Well non of it sounds like it will bring me out of this funk.  Not even a few million dollars randomly dropping into my lap as I sit outside and wonder, what the hell.

I’m not depressed, I’m not mad, I’m not stressed, although I could be.  On a brief side note, I had a slow leak under my kitchen sink last month. It created a water mess.  We got it all cleaned up, or so I thought. My boyfriend has been feeling light headed and had a few weird symptoms…so long story short someone was telling us about the health issuesthat mold can bring about, if it’s present.  We had a mold inspection done and whatdoya know, we’ve got mold.  Mo’ mold mo’ problems…haha. Well we have this water damage company coming up out to today to clean out some mold.  So yousee, I could be stressed, but I’m not.

I just don’t feel like any one thing could lighten me up.  Call it hormonal, call it life, call it crazy, call it “need to tune into Vivian”, call it whatever, but I call it “money can’t buy my happiness” right now, I feel as if nothing can. Continue reading Today I’m not sure what will make me happy

Maybe Money Can Buy Happiness

So I begin this by stating that I was doing my own research to see if there’s been a study on money “buying” or being part of happiness.  I came across a blog http://richhabits.net/rich-habits-official-blog/. Thomas C. Corley spent five years studying the habits and behaviors that 177 self made millionaires, and 233 poor people learned from there parents. This was after reviewing a survey conducted that found that 80% of American adults suffer and struggle from being jobless, living in poverty, and relying on welfare assistance, for at least a portion of their lives. Obviously this stress has to wreak havoc on the children as well.  And so his study began.  And so my thoughts began….

Happiness isn’t about money or no money.  Happiness is state of mind created by the perceiver. Depending on who you ask or speak to, this will change immensely.  If you ask a mother, she may find her happiness in the way she fulfills her children, a sparkle in their eye.  If you ask a single man, he may say quietness on a lake, while he throws his line to catch his dinner for that star filled evening.

There are basic needs to be met by every human.  Whether you study Tony Robbins and the six core needs he identifies, or Maslow’s Hierachy of Basic Needs, there are essential needs to meet.  These needs do not require money.  What I’ve found when speaking with people that have pursued growing their bank account or cash flow, is that in order to do so more times than not they met their basic needs. In creating that balance and pursuing their own growth (a need by both Maslow & Robbins), they develop their own happiness, as well as a large bank account.  The happiness is not found in the money.  There too, are many people that have the luxury of money, without a priority of needs being met.  I believe then it is fair to say that money cannot by happiness.  It may prove to be your immediate fix for a quick happy bit, but true, deep happiness is not present, and at some point the realization will be met and felt.

Poverty or even low funding in life can create many, many feelings. Today’s society has much opportunity and little opportunity for financial growth, and that is a frustration in itself.  That being said some of us are born into poverty, some of us create it for ourselves….at times trying to buy happiness, and some of us have to always push to keep our head above water. Being in the position to constantly push brings about constant stress and struggle, unless you manage it well.  If you do not meet your basic, or core life needs, then true happiness will not be found.  It can be very difficult when the struggle to keep a home, energy bills, kids clad in the clothing that they deem acceptable, medical bills paid, car paid, and all the rest are present.  Money can make it easier to focus on taking care of your needs. You however cannot buy the power to fulfill those needs, so please do not get confused.

My point of all things written above is to get you to explore….are your needs met? Read more about essential needs.  Are you holding yourself back from fulfilling them?

Money can make life easier, and if you’ve connected with happiness, maybe even happier.  It cannot buy our essential needs of life.  In pursuing money we are able to meet some of these needs.  Just understand core happiness is not money, in my belief anyway.


Money Makes Me Happy

Many of my past posts expressed lean towards money not necessarily creating happiness . Today I write from the perspective that “hell ya money makes me happy”.  Not my perspective per say, but from Brady’s perspective.  Brady is one of the owners of carpetcleaningtempeaz.org. I just hired them to come out and clean my carpets because my animals (dogs) have done some work on them!  Anyway, Brady is a super nice guy and they did a killer job on my furniture and carpets.  Anyway, I offered him a drink and a homemade oatmeal raisin cookie, that yes I made.  While he took a quick break to eat my delicious cookie, I asked him questions about his business. How long he owned it, all that good stuff. Then I asked him do you think money buys happiness.  His immediate response was a grin and a yes of course.  I asked him to explain.

In answering all my questions, he told me he’s owned and sold six businesses.  He worked hard on all them and then turned around and sold them.  As he learned different things along the way, each one he sold, he made a little more money. His carpet cleaning business now, is his 7th to own and be part of the operation.  He told me that each time he made money from one of his businesses, he would invest some and spend some.  Brady told me, I love money. I like spending it, sharing it, and making it. Continue reading Money Makes Me Happy

You don’t want more $$??

I know a man named Tom.  Tom is married to Cindy. He is a general contractor specializing in Concrete, in a small town.  All different types of concrete. Did you know you can make concrete look like tile?  Well you can. You can also make it decorative in all sorts of ways. He says concrete is an art, his art.

I didn’t ask Tom what happiness was to him, but I asked him if he wanted to expand his business more.  If he had more help would he want to grow again.  You see, he was very “successful” at one point in getting his business to generate 1.5 million annually in sales, in a small population.   He was bringing in the money, able to purchase the things he never thought he would, never had at any other time. He grew up without money.  So the flow of dough was a new thing for Tom.

Two of his children, although grown, needed some financial assistance and Tom provided that. And then they needed a little more.  He says they realized dad could help out and knowing that kept them “at the nipple”.  His oldest grew up in the struggle.  There was not extra money to help her out. If she wanted to go to college, and both Tom and Cindy were all for that, then she had to work hard and get a scholarship, or a job to pay for it.  He told me that she was a little go getter.  She even started saving her money to buy them (him and Cindy) a car.

Continue reading You don’t want more $$??

Hawaii is Happiness

big island solar power

I’m currently in Hawaii right now…on the big Island to be exact.  I came out to help my parents.  My mother fell and broke her hip and my father works.  Someone needs to help the mama out.  They need help beyond that anyway.  To many details but the help I’m giving comes in many forms.

This post is my current status on happiness.  My mother fell while doing who knows what.  She prevented herself from hitting her head when she fell by throwing herself to to her side and landing on her right hip. Screaming in pain, my dad called the EMT’s and off she went to Waimea hospital.  They immediately performed surgery the next morning. Big old screw in her hip and some pain, but she’s alive and kicking…thank god!

Taking care of her has been a lot of work, but work I wouldn’t trade anything for it. I mean of course some extra money or income right now would be superb, but the fact that she’s alive and getting even better than she was before her fall is something big, actually huge to me.  It is sanity and happiness, even when she’s driving me looney with all her talking.  My mom can talk…and she bops all over the place (well not so much now).  Sometimes it’s so hard to focus.  And she talks with the T.V. on.  That damn T.V. is always on too….errrrr:/.  But you see the cost of these minor frustrations and little stresses is worth the extra 20 minutes I add to my afternoon walk, as well as the excitement I see in my mom because she’s getting better.  All of her kids, my sis and little bro, are coming to show their support, and this makes her happy.

Continue reading Hawaii is Happiness

One Man’s Persepective

Charles Beeker…I am using an alias last name in respect to the man I asked “what is happiness to you?”.

My boyfriend had a big work convention, that fortunately, I was able to attend (not the convention, but the hotel and evening fun) with him.  We were chartered up north to a beautiful hotel for the week. Brief note: I had a such great time!  He did his daily work stuff and I got to lounge, get a massage and facial, work out, it was so awesome! The hotel was casual fancy, the food was incredible, the people there were great and even the corporate transportation service, which was a huge beautiful charter bus, was on point…. So it was like a vacation for me:).

Ok back to Charles.  He was with the group at the convention. One evening after we had dinner, we were outside where everyone was mingling and doing the after dinner thing.  Rand, my boyfriend was engaged in conversation, so I start wandering to find someone to strike a conversation with.  I saw this man there, but off on his own, kinda just gazing out. He would look up at the night sky and then out into the quietness of the hotel landscape.  I walked over to him and said, “peaceful evening, isn’t it.” “Peaceful Indeed,” was his reply.  We stood in silence for a moment.  I felt like he felt lonely or something. Not quite sure what it was, but I felt kinda sad for a brief moment, and then I felt bad for feeling sad for a man I did not know. So I blurted out, “What is happiness to you?” At the time I was thinking why did I just ask that. No opening conversation, you don’t know this man…well, whatever.   Continue reading One Man’s Persepective

Money Can’t buy happiness…or can it?

bit of happyThis is the generally accepted foresight. Is this wisdom initiated by someone without money? There are studies that confirm this foresight, while there are those that oppose it, saying yes, being rich or wealthy helps with happiness. What are your thoughts. Have you been on either side?

Well maybe it can’t buy happiness, but it could make you less sad, for the time being. I mean, think about it.  You wake up with money in your bank account.  Maybe you still even have to a little work to keep that moolah flowing.   You are have an ehhh day, like we all do on occasion. You do your duties and then decide to go off for a spa day. Facial, Body Wrap,Massage, light lunch.  A couple of hours of being pampered at that awesome new Day Spa.  400 bucks and your feeling a little better, right?  And if your a guy, think of how you could occupy your crappy feeling day, to make you feel better.  What would you do? Take friends out for some roof top golf and lunch or dinner? That’ll be about $400 too. But your feeling better right? All bets on your friends feeling good too.

And sometimes that’s just what we need. Something different in our day, a good laugh, our mind of what we may not even be sure, and if you’ve got the money, possibly a new car. So yes, I think it is easier to have money to temporarily lift feelings of sadness or woe. But does this last?  Can it be done without money?  What if your filthy rich and able to satisfy feelings with purchases and items and then one day go broke, then what?


This all being said, I think I will explore the root of happiness and what that is in my next few posts.  Without focus on money, riches, or any of the sort.  Just some basic, foundational, root causes of happiness.  That way whether rich or poor, we explore the core of what that is.

I will be interviewing, Vivian style, people that I come across whether that be at work or when I’m running errands or engaging in services. My question will be “what is happiness from your perspective. What are the roots of happiness to you?”

Stay tuned to see where this goes.  It may be a wild ride(read)….or a Happy One!